Lose The Baggage! How To Get Out Of Your Relationship Slump

How you can finally start living for yourself again: http://www.yourtango.com/proconnect/201167604/lose-baggage-how-get-over-past-relationships

Dating and relationships can be frustrating and, often, downright painful. Here's how you can find a healthy and happy relationship.

[TRANSCRIPT]

Welcome to YourTango.com: Love Life Makeover. I’m the love mentor, Dr. Diana Kirschner and I’ll be coaching, Nadette. Hey, Nadette! I’m going to using my brand new book, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentors Guide to Life and Love. Come on in. How will Nadette go in just 31 short days? Let’s see.

We’re using a powerful system that I developed as a psychologist working over 25 years. I’ve basically based it on research because you gotta now what works. When I start in love mentoring, I always ask me mentee about their history, about their dating and love life. And exactly what goals they’d like to achieve. So if you could create anything that you wanted in 30 days, what would you create? I am just tired of not having the love of my life in my life.

Okay so it’d be: finding the one, okay. She’s just coming out of a yearlong engagement. Nadette’s wish is to have extraordinary lasting love and she’s willing to do whatever it takes. So when I first talked to you, you said you had had a few serious relationships and none of them worked out. What went wrong?

Oh! What, you know, what, you got a couple hours? The whole series of issues you have been dealing with. This week I ask Nadette to do an exercise from my love mentoring guide called ‘The Loveless Eulogy’. This exercise will help Nadette become aware of the unhappy love future that she is creating so that she can become empowered to change it.

I want you to imagine the future that, that pattern of patterns that disappoint you continuously, I want you to imagine the future that that would be creating. And in the end you died alone never having found the lasting love that you really deeply wanted. K, now what I want you to do is I want you to write your own love-less eulogy. Write about Nadette who never found love.

Good job. Now I want you to imagine that your ashes are in this urn. Nadette is gone. She never found true lasting love. And I want you to read the love-less eulogy aloud.

Nadette, who never found love. It just never happened. But you know I have to be authentic. That’s not possible. That will never happen to me because of who I am. I love myself and all I can bring. I can’t go to despair cause I’ve done so much work to get out of it. I’m lonely now but I know that I will not be. What’s going on now?

I can’t even imagine that tragedy because I know I’ve worked really hard to get the support that that not gonna happen. But I think that the real tragedy for me, is that I feel that right now. It’s not about ending my life that way cause I know that’s not gonna happen.

Well you don’t know when your life ends. Your life, God forbid, could end today. Yea, it’s true. You don’t know when you life ends. Yea.

And you feel it now. Well it takes tremendous courage to acknowledge just how lonely you are. When you do not acknowledge your loneliness it will persist.

Well I’m thrilled about what Nadette has done this week. She’s come really really far and I’m very proud of her. She’s identified some negative thoughts and negative feelings. And unloaded those.

I knew you were gonna be the love heroine. I knew it. The tragic love heroine.

I have to say, me meeting Diana is just, I think she’s just so warm and loving and every time she mentioned that she was proud of me, I just felt very moving. What can I say? So, and the and the eulogy, I was surprised brought up as many things as it did. Like I think I was a little resistant and then I was allowed, and then I allowed myself to flow a bit more. So um, I think we’re on a good start. I really, I’m looking forward to this. I’m looking forward to getting out of my way.

Don’t miss next week because what I’m going to do with Nadette is I’m going to teach her how to have amazing charisma so that she can attract really really terrific guys. I’ll see you then. If you’re following along in the 31 day challenge and you want to move forward in your dating and love life, this week I want you to pay attention to what I call the relationship killer reliefs like ‘All men are jerks’ or ‘I’ll never have love’ or ‘Love is too difficult’. Those are some examples. What I want you to do is visualize a big red stop sign whenever you encounter one of those beliefs. Big red stop sign in your mind! Big red stop sign! You got it? Good! Go get em!

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